Jawa Entertainment Network

Serroco has become increasingly volatile in recent months. What initially sparked as localized skirmishes between anti-Rebel pirate factions has escalated into a full-blown conflict pitting Rebel-aligned forces, spearheaded by everyone's favorite Jawa megacorporation, against the Empire's 2nd favorite criminal megasyndicate, Black Sun. While the fighting continues, a more personal battle simmers for the unconventional leader at the heart of it all, Defabricator General Tilba Ugama.

The explosive growth of the conflict was, according to some, exactly what the General wanted. "Tilba want big wreck" chirped Zizz Wobblenut, a jawa salvage mechanic, "and suddenly, more pilots! Rebel follow him big time. Rebel don't care about profits, Tilba get many wrecks! Whole system wrecked, no working ships left."

The sheer recklessness of Defabricator General Ugama's recent campaigns has yielded an unexpected terror, a distinct lack of viable enemy targets left to salvage. The Jawa and allied military forces lacking sufficient targets have reportedly started to turn on General Ugama, blaming him for their current boredom. The thrill of combat has been replaced by the monotonous drone of idle engines and the soul-crushing repetition of simulated exercises. Holoscreens in the mess hall now frequently display crudely drawn caricatures of Defabricator General Ugama, adorned with blaster scorch marks.

Just days after formalizing a governmental structure, downtown Mos Espa erupted today with a show of military might by the Grand Commodore of Jawa Offworld Enterprises, Kolomon Seph, parading a lone sandcrawler through the streets after deposing current leader of the Jawa Council, Ini Kedi. Angry citizens, one even holding a sign that said 'Down with Kedi' in the former dignitaries green and gold stars, joined the parade shouting things such as "Whats this about?", "Who dropped this droids head?", and "I'm not paying for this!".

Voting machines started turning up in major strongholds and cities across the Northern Arkanis and Xappyh holdings of Jawa Offworld Enterprises during the same time as the military parade with pictures of the Grand Commodore on the packaging containers. Kolomon was unavailable for comment, but a spokesperson for the Grand Commodore had this to say: "Polling numbers are good, very good. The coup was really unnecessary, but the sandcrawler was already in Mos Espa and we had to move it from the fire lane anyway. We're confident that in the upcoming election Grand Commodore Seph will win by yuge margins, the biggest margins."

The pirate organization Requiem has surrendered to JEFF forces. Sensing that the short arms of Jawa law were quickly approaching, their leader opened up dialogue with JEFF in the late hours of last night. Redjon Mirrabel, known for pioneering the famous "Mirrabel Maneuver" favored by Jawa capital ship pilots, negotiated his surrender in exchange for full pardons of those who served under him, reportedly inspired by recent events in the galaxy. JEFF officers are reportedly working on building up their legal case against Mr. Mirrabel before his trial in the coming weeks. It is rumored that Jawa lawyers are focusing on the crimes of "general piracy", "accusing Jawas of looting during wartime", and "more specialized piracy".

With large numbers of JEFF officers flying across the galaxy to begin interrogations and perform asset seizures to collect evidence, expect greatly increased response times on Tatooine. Citizens are advised to avoid committing or experiencing crime.

Jawa Offworld Enterprises is proud to announce the galaxies first hyperlane, colloquially referred to as the Pest Control Express, connecting the insect world of Geonosis with the proud and civilized Jawa people of Tatoo. This hyperlane is expected to significantly reduce the time taken to complete the trip from geonosis to tatooine, which can range from half an hour in a fast freighters to several hours in a heavy hauler. Initial reports show a speedup of roughly .3% in hyperspace. In practice, this can translate to several seconds shaved in hyperspace.

Tatoo, now the home of the very first and fastest hyperlane in the galaxy, is expecting a significant boom in traffic as fleets redirect to pass through the geonosis-tatoo corridor to save time. Churro stands are reportedly being hastily erected, a popular roadside refreshment for spacers passing through.

We at JEN have also been attempting to provide more balanced coverage of events so have reached out to a non-Jawa for this story. Solorius Masha, a notable geonosian, had the following to say "I like said idea".

After the booze fuelled story of the K’teefah brothers topped local news charts, something became increasingly clear to us at JEN. We need better stories. That is why we at Jawa Entertainment and News are asking YOU, the jawa public, to help us find what there is in the galaxy* needing reporting. All hot tips WILL find their way to broadcast**. At minimum, they will hopefully let us finally move past those crazed hijinks of the K’teefah brothers***.

*By the galaxy we mean anywhere with Jawas.
**By submitting a hot tip all rights are immediately transferred to the JEN corporation immediately.
***May actually be really close cousins.

Shili Free Press has announced their scaling back operations almost entirely following the previous announcements of Networked Rabbits stating their complete close of Network Rabbit a few months ago. This has led to many in the galaxy wondering is there a source of unbiased, impartial, completely legitimate truth in the galaxy? The answer is of course, yes there is.

Sal Hav, reporter for JEN had the following to say in front of the JENmobile, "Jawas are no strangers to being the ones who survive. We've lived in some of the most inhospitable places in the galaxy and our rich cultures and success have endured throughout countless generations. As always, we will be the firm sand on which you can build your dwellings. In light of these recent closures of rival media organizations we will be doing our best to fill the void left by them."

In a galaxy of turmoil and dishonesty, JEN will be here to provide the truth no matter what the cost. Similarly to how JOE provides the best prices and highest quality goods to sentients throughout the galaxy.

The XenoArchaelogical Institute was reportedly ransacked of all electronics by Jawas a few hours ago, with the Jawas citing "Impossible to resolve problems with stockholder demands". Further information is being gathered by J.E.N. to be reported on in future news broadcasts.